I HEART YOU..

I love your passion and energy..

I also think sometimes you play at being harder than you are.. that's ok..

It means I think sometimes you like people to think you are tough and nothing bothers you.. 

but that's not always true and you some times want to be taken care of which is ok..

Sometimes I think you over do the drinking and smoking.. whatever the reason is I don't like it.. but it is what it is..

I know there is a deep side to you and I love that..

I've had more fun with you than just about anyone in my life..

but that said, you are a unique combination of a myriad different forces..

and I love the whole more than any of the individual parts..  

your view, perspective is much simpler, straight forward.. it is refreshing..

I've never hated you..

I love you..

but here's the thing..

I will tell you now as clearly as I can..

if I'm going to invest the emotional energy in caring about someone as far away and difficult as it will be for us, I want to know it is worth it..

I've told you what I think of you and how much I love you..

but when I see you act like that I begin to doubt whether it is worth it..

as I've said, you live on a party island, you meet a lot of people in a social, alocohol, sex, drug friendly environment..

I don't want to invest my heart in someone who plays in that world only to find out a few weeks, months, years, later that I was a fool and it wasn't worth it..

you or anybody else.. it makes no difference..

when I see you act like that, I begin to think, what she gonna do when I'm not here?

You get it?

another golden spot..

it was clear blue sky with white sand and crystal water ocean..

search trip..

somewhere to the south coast of the island..

reminiscing the gold old time..

shared the life love laugh..

happiness,

photo courtesy by svasti manggalia

awareness..

am 4 weeks and craving Hershey's Kisses.. now am wearing pink bra with black stripes with peace sign covered straps.. and am going to live in Dominican Republic for 13 months..

 

live love,

 

29th..

we had this deep shit conversation under vodka and whiskey influences..

this hot, yet not that old guy.. tried to judge us about our lifes..

me.. knew what I want..

her.. didn't know what she wants..

me.. got what I want..

her.. still.. didn't know what she wants..

then we shared our stories..

me.. with my dreams..

her.. with her dreams..

the conclusion was.. we-still-don't know what we want..

we just go where the wind blows..

we're still searching.. time will tell..

once we're about 30ish.. we can say "you know nothing about what you want!"

cheers,

me

p.s

we woke up in the morning with this storm, yet beautiful view..

and yess.. we're gonna spend sometimes this weekend in this house.. 

somewhere in uluwatu..

new me..

new year.. new boss.. new me?!?!?!?

gonna try hard to change my freakin' bad behaviour..

wake up early and make out with my dearest coke desk every morning..

soon-to be-a-good employee,

the beach market development

p.s :

if it's only not because of the dream trip..

I won't waste my "youth" to work hard and smart..

love and the other drugs..